Saw this at Orson Scott Card's website http://hatrack.com
Pretty Dang Funny or maybe that's because I've been up since 0345 this morning. UGH!
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Scott
4. Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers, and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's It, I'm Putting You Up For Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were An Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes the Hamster.and Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
16 years and she's still hanging around?
Yeah, I know it's what you are thinking.
Well, another year of suffering has come and gone for my better half. We got cast out of heaven (refugees from Fort Huachuca), had a degree go down in a blaze of glory, a completion of another degree (you go, girl!), and have a teenager with a driver's permit.
However, that pales in comparison to what has happened since October 23, 1992. Yeah, that's right the early 90s, like when we graduated high school and got to vote in a presidential election for the first time, all in the same year. Exactly two years and 3 days after our first date, the crazy woman completely lost her mind and made the biggest blunder of her life, trading "I dos" with yours truly. Now, you may forever doubt her judgement, her taste in guys, or her sanity in general, but I will have you know that I didn't use a Jedi mind trick on her, as they only work on the week minded, nor did I have her drugged in any way on that fateful night 16 years ago.
16 years. How do you put up with a slacker for 16 years? How am I neither living on the streets dancing for pennies, nor chained to a bed post in a cuckoo farm spouting random lines from Star Trek ("Engage" "Make it so" "There are four lights!!!" "Shut up Wesley!")
Well, I think we all know; it's my hot bod! (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!)
But seriously, what I ever did to end up with the woman of my dreams is unbeknownst to me and is one of the greatest unsolved mysteries since the beginning of time. Or..... it could be that time when I was 15 and went deep into the jungle and saw this Panamanian Witch Doctor who gave me the Elixir of Love made from the saliva of an iguana and mango juice extract. I left Panama soon thereafter and duped a poor girl into a date. Thankfully, she knows nothing about what I slipped into her drink that night and the rest is history.
Now, to quote Alfalfa of Little Rascals fame "Let's raise a toast to the girl I love most in the whole world.... LINDA!!!!!!!!
(Perhaps I drugged her after all) shhhhhhh
Well, another year of suffering has come and gone for my better half. We got cast out of heaven (refugees from Fort Huachuca), had a degree go down in a blaze of glory, a completion of another degree (you go, girl!), and have a teenager with a driver's permit.
However, that pales in comparison to what has happened since October 23, 1992. Yeah, that's right the early 90s, like when we graduated high school and got to vote in a presidential election for the first time, all in the same year. Exactly two years and 3 days after our first date, the crazy woman completely lost her mind and made the biggest blunder of her life, trading "I dos" with yours truly. Now, you may forever doubt her judgement, her taste in guys, or her sanity in general, but I will have you know that I didn't use a Jedi mind trick on her, as they only work on the week minded, nor did I have her drugged in any way on that fateful night 16 years ago.
16 years. How do you put up with a slacker for 16 years? How am I neither living on the streets dancing for pennies, nor chained to a bed post in a cuckoo farm spouting random lines from Star Trek ("Engage" "Make it so" "There are four lights!!!" "Shut up Wesley!")
Well, I think we all know; it's my hot bod! (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!)
But seriously, what I ever did to end up with the woman of my dreams is unbeknownst to me and is one of the greatest unsolved mysteries since the beginning of time. Or..... it could be that time when I was 15 and went deep into the jungle and saw this Panamanian Witch Doctor who gave me the Elixir of Love made from the saliva of an iguana and mango juice extract. I left Panama soon thereafter and duped a poor girl into a date. Thankfully, she knows nothing about what I slipped into her drink that night and the rest is history.
Now, to quote Alfalfa of Little Rascals fame "Let's raise a toast to the girl I love most in the whole world.... LINDA!!!!!!!!
(Perhaps I drugged her after all) shhhhhhh
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
My Eight Things for Melissa
Here they are in not-so-random order:
1. Sometimes I secretly wish I had a higher voice so that the high notes would be easier.
2. Sometimes I wish I played a lighter and less expensive instrument than the tuba.
3. Who would’ve thunk that I would love school? There I said it. Admittance is the first step
on the road to recovery.
4. I think I enjoy Star Trek more than Star Wars, which is all GL’s fault.
5. I wish I could run without pain.
6. I have a terrible memory (Oh wait! You already knew that.)
7. Being a musician is the best job in the world; it just needs to pay more and not require a
uniform. Less than 5 years to go!!!!!!!!!!!
8. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday; it’s all about the food.
9. I have a terrible memory (I can’t remember if already said that.)
Off the top of my head, Mel missed Dad and Scott. (Yeah, Scott, we know you have a blog. And by the way Nick says you are a wussie man and will soon be shorter than him.)
A side note, Junior will likely be doing his Eagle Project this Saturday, as long every thing gets approved. He is determined to drive and get his license on his 16th birthday. He may yet prevail and has many moons before then to get it done. He is the MAN!!!!!!!!
1. Sometimes I secretly wish I had a higher voice so that the high notes would be easier.
2. Sometimes I wish I played a lighter and less expensive instrument than the tuba.
3. Who would’ve thunk that I would love school? There I said it. Admittance is the first step
on the road to recovery.
4. I think I enjoy Star Trek more than Star Wars, which is all GL’s fault.
5. I wish I could run without pain.
6. I have a terrible memory (Oh wait! You already knew that.)
7. Being a musician is the best job in the world; it just needs to pay more and not require a
uniform. Less than 5 years to go!!!!!!!!!!!
8. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday; it’s all about the food.
9. I have a terrible memory (I can’t remember if already said that.)
Off the top of my head, Mel missed Dad and Scott. (Yeah, Scott, we know you have a blog. And by the way Nick says you are a wussie man and will soon be shorter than him.)
A side note, Junior will likely be doing his Eagle Project this Saturday, as long every thing gets approved. He is determined to drive and get his license on his 16th birthday. He may yet prevail and has many moons before then to get it done. He is the MAN!!!!!!!!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Conference Is da Bomb!!!!
Was it just me, or did conference rock the planet!!!
We watched all sessions online (except the Priesthood Session, which, unfortunately, was poorly attended at our building) at home and it was great. It was nice seeing the kids take notes and even nicer to not have to wrestle them in a pew. They all behaved well.
The best talk of conference (not that it is a contest, but I'd be interested to hear what others thought) was by Lawrence E. Corbridge in the Saturday afternoon session. It was powerful and had a memorable theme.
"Christ is the only way to truth and happiness; every other way is madness."
I don't think you can state anything simpler, plainer, or more powerful than that.
I guess we can't do this every week, but 6 months sure seems like a long time.
We watched all sessions online (except the Priesthood Session, which, unfortunately, was poorly attended at our building) at home and it was great. It was nice seeing the kids take notes and even nicer to not have to wrestle them in a pew. They all behaved well.
The best talk of conference (not that it is a contest, but I'd be interested to hear what others thought) was by Lawrence E. Corbridge in the Saturday afternoon session. It was powerful and had a memorable theme.
"Christ is the only way to truth and happiness; every other way is madness."
I don't think you can state anything simpler, plainer, or more powerful than that.
I guess we can't do this every week, but 6 months sure seems like a long time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)